This blog post was written by a family member of an individual in recovery and has been shared with Renewed Wellness Counseling. They have graciously granted us permission to publish their story on our blog, with the hope that it will inspire others on their journey.
When my spouse started struggling with substance use, our whole world turned upside down. It felt like we were drowning in worry, anxiety, and hopelessness. But through the journey of recovery, we found a new sense of hope and a stronger bond than ever before.
The Beginning of Our Struggle
So, here’s how the rollercoaster started. Imagine this: one day, everything’s peachy, and then, wham! You’re in the middle of a storm, and you didn’t even bring an umbrella. That was me when I first figured out my spouse was involved with substance use. I started to realize through little actions that they weren’t the same person I married – staying out late, being sneaky, moody, and acting like a mystery guest in our own home. Putting the pieces of the puzzle together, the truth hit me like a pie in the face – except it wasn’t funny. My spouse was dealing with substance use, and boy, did that flip our world upside down. I began researching addiction and substance use like crazy and learned that 46.8 million (16.7%) Americans (aged 12 and older) battled a substance use disorder in the past year.
I’ll be honest, it was scary. I worried about my spouse, our family, and whether we’d ever find our way back to each other. I also learned that Support is crucial for addiction recovery, and I was prepared to walk with him through this. But, like those stories you hear, that tough times taught us a lot about setting limits, taking care of ourselves, and having real, meaningful conversations. So, buckle up and I’ll share a bit about how I coped through my spouses addiction and we came out strong on the other side.
The Importance of Taking Care of Myself
Let me tell you about the game-changer in our story: taking care of me. When my anxiety, worry, and even depression was all consuming, I knew I had to make some changes for my own wellbeing. Here’s the deal: when my spouse was knee-deep in the quicksand of substance use, I realized I was trying to pull them out while standing in the same quicksand. That’s when it hit me – I gotta be on solid ground first.
So, I started doing things just for me. Amidst the chaos, I found peace in little moments. Like taking walks in the park, where the only drama was whether squirrels or ducks would win the Great Bread Battle. I got into journaling too, pouring my thoughts out on paper like I was writing a manuscript. And chatting with friends? Game-changer. Once I got past some of the negative emotions and wondering what people might think of our family, I opened up to other family members and close friends. They were like my personal cheerleading squad, reminding me to breathe and that it’s okay to laugh, even when things are a mess.
This self-care stuff wasn’t selfish; it was survival. It was like putting on my oxygen mask first, so I could help my spouse without fainting from stress. Plus, carving out me-time amidst the whirlwind of worry made me a better partner. I was calmer and more clearer-headed, allowing me to better deal with the curveballs life threw our way.
In this crazy, upside-down journey, looking after myself wasn’t just about doing fun and relaxing things (although they helped!). It was about finding strength in softness, courage in self-compassion, and becoming the solid ground we both needed to start rebuilding our lives.
Setting Boundaries Was Necessary
To me, I felt like I was trying to keep a dozen bouncy balls underwater all at once. That was me, trying to handle everything without setting any boundaries. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work. I was like a juggler with too many balls in the air, dropping them left and right. So, I decided it was time to get serious about what I could and couldn’t handle.
Setting boundaries felt like drawing a big, fat line in the sand with a stick. It was me saying, “This is okay, and this? Not so much.” It wasn’t about building a wall around me; it was more like putting up a friendly fence. This fence helped me keep the good stuff in and the not-so-good stuff out. And guess what? It wasn’t just good for me; it was a lifesaver for my spouse too.
For example, I made it clear that honesty was non-negotiable and that respect had to be the foundation of every conversation. No more tiptoeing around the elephant in the room.
Sure, laying down these laws wasn’t a walk in the park. In fact, it was the hardest part of all of this. But, boundaries didn’t just help us navigate the rocky road of recovery; they made us a team again. And that, my friends, was a total game changer.
Communication Opened New Doors
Alright, picture this: communication in our house used to be like playing hot potato with a cactus. Every time we tried to talk about the big, scary substance use monster, it felt like we were either dodging spikes or getting pricked. But here’s where we flipped the script and turned things around.
We decided to crack open those doors of communication. Suddenly, we had new tools at our disposal. We learned to chat about the tough stuff without the world ending – imagine that!
Instead of letting our conversations turn into a wild game of dodgeball or blame, where we hurled words like weapons, we started passing a “talking ball” back and forth. I know, sounds super corny, like something out of a feel-good movie, but stick with me. This “ball” meant you got to speak your truth, spill your beans, or share your fears without the other person jumping in with a “Yeah, but…” or a lecture. And when it was your turn to listen, you really listened and heard what the other person was saying.
We also got super honest about what we needed from each other. No more guessing games or trying to read minds like amateur psychics. If I needed a hug or a night off from problem-solving, I’d say it. And if my spouse needed to vent or just sit in silence, they’d let me know, too.
Through all this, communication didn’t just open new doors; it swung them wide open, letting in the light, fresh air, and a whole lot of hope. And that, my friends, was a beautiful thing.
How Therapy Became Our Best Friend
Okay, so let’s talk about how therapy turned into our superhero, cape and all. I wouldn’t have been able to implement any of strategies I describe above (communication, boundaries, self-care), without the help of my therapist. Throughout my spouses substance use and early recovery, we each saw individual therapists to talk about our own unique challenges and emotions; as well as a couples/family therapist together to work on our relationship through it all. Family therapy is a powerful tool in treating addiction and enhancing mental well-being.Think of therapy as this place where you get to spill all the beans, and instead of judging, they help you plant those beans to grow something awesome.
Our therapist was like a wise wizard from those fantasy books, guiding us through the maze of recovery and we learned all about “coping strategies” and “communication skills.” It wasn’t all easy peasy though. We had to do our part, digging deep and getting real with our feelings, even the icky and messy ones.
Through therapy, we got to know each other all over again, but this time, as teammates battling the dragon of substance use together. We learned about ways to avoid conflict and improve our relationship.
So, yep, therapy became our best friend, the kind you invite to your birthday party even when you’re turning eighty. And over time, our journey got a bit brighter, filled with more high-fives and fewer facepalms or angry outbursts. The benefits of family therapy include improved treatment outcomes, reduced relapse risk, and stronger family bonds, and I can say I saw that firsthand.
The Light at the End of the Tunnel
So, here we are, at the part of the story where things start to sparkle. My spouse is now in recovery for the past 2 years. Research shows that Family involvement plays a significant role in enhancing the chances of a successful recovery. My spouse continues to do their own work to cope through life’s challenges without the use of substances, and they tell me when they are struggling. We learned to talk things out, listen like our favorite song is on, and respect each other like we’re the president of each other’s fan club. It’s not like every day is a walk in the park—sometimes it’s more like a jog in the rain—but we’re doing it together, laughing, and holding hands through the puddles. We show that in every dark time, there’s always light ahead, and it’s wonderful to finally be in it.
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